We were done with eating and were sitting on a double couch. I had a glass of chamdor in my hand, waiting anxiously to hear about his background.
Hillary: Maybe when you stop looking at me with those dreamy eyes, I’ll get back my sanity and kill your curiosity.
I smiled and looked away but he placed his hand on my jaw, cupping it and making me face him.
Hillary: You’re beautiful y’know?
Jesus! Will he just get a normal voice than this one that’s already sending shivers down my spine.
Hillary: I’m lucky to be with you now. And I’m going to utilize my time as I don’t know if we’ll still talk after tonight.
I looked up at him immediately, my brain sending different versions of what he meant by that.
He stood up and backed me.
Hillary: When someone is as beautiful, curvy, sexy, intelligent and calm like you, I find it difficult to speak. But I’m going to do that tonight. I’ll speak to you Amanda, about my feelings for you.
I dropped my glass on a side table and swallowed hard. He turned and sat down just where he was some minutes ago.
Hillary: The day you had come for registration with the other girl, can’t remember her name, I had seen you from afar. I loved the way looked around with these your lovely big eyes. I thought you would be able to see deep into me. I wanted to come to you at the admin block but I noticed the other girl was giving you orders, making you carry her bag and I felt uncomfortable. I had thought you were not even our student.
I closed my eyes, remembering the incident of that day. I was on a milk colour polo and a jean baggy short, together with my trainers. It was my best set of clothes but I began to think otherwise the moment we stepped into the school and people started giving me odd looks. Nenye had made matters worse, she had added to my misery by making me carry her handbag and throwing orders at me like she was a princess and I’m her servant.
I wiped the tear from the edge of my eyes and opened them. Hillary was looking into my face so I looked away.
Hillary: I didn’t see you again afterwards. I went to that girl and asked after you but she denied ever knowing you. I had always followed her, trying to see if I could set my eyes on you again but it didn’t work out. Seven weeks after registration, you came to school as a different person. I didn’t recognise you at first because you weren’t that girl I saw that day. Your dressing, steps, your smile, it was all different. I made enquiries to be sure if you were the one but nobody knew you too well.
He paused and tucked my weavon behind my ear.
Hillary: That day at the cafe, when the other girl had come to you and your best friend, I confirmed it all. I knew it was you. The pain I saw in your eyes that day told me it was you. I had to do something that was why I approached your best friend Kamsi. And look where we are today.
He held my hands and I was forced to look at him.
Hillary: I love you very much, I sincerely do love you Amanda. Forget the transformation because I know you’re still that girl I had seen during registration. You made your way to my heart and you’ve habited there, not willing to share with anybody. All I ask for is a chance, a chance and if I’m not that guy you want, I’ll let you be.
Gospel’s words came rushing into my head, “rape victims can’t stand relationships”. The tears formed in my throat and I let them fall, taking my hands away from Hillary and clutching them like they were going to save me.
The confusion on his face said it all and I know i needed to give him answers.
Me: Behind this face, behind this smile is a sorrowful heart, a condemned one. They ruined me, they took everything from me and left me like this, empty and without support.
He frowned at my words but it didn’t stop me.
Me: I’m sorry Hillary,I can’t accept to be in a relationship when I know I can’t really get involved. When I know I can’t make relationships work. Where I will be a catalyst that will destroy that relationship. I can’t do it. I’m sorry.
Hillary: What do you mean? What are you saying?
Me: You want to know? Of course I’ll tell you.
And without mincing words, I told him everything, from start to finish, including Gospel. I expected him to walk me to the car, take me home and never contact me again. But he proved me wrong. He enveloped me in his arms and let me cry my heart out. We remained in that position for a good number of minutes before he pulled me up;
Hillary: Did you visit a counselor?
I shook my head negatively
Hillary: When are you starting your exams?
Me: Next week.
Hillary: Once your exams are through, we’ll go to a counselor. She is a very good friend of mine and she’ll help you out of this. Whatever your past was, doesn’t and won’t change the fact that I love you and always will.
Was I surprised? Yes I was. I looked at his face and he was smiling.
Hillary: The way I feel about you, no amount of what you went through will change that fact. And I promise, I’ll make your life perfect that you’ll never remember that you once had a bitter past. I promise. (he placed his hand on his chest as he said I promise)
I couldn’t control myself as I hugged him lovingly.
Me: Thank you.
He pulled away from me and held my hands.
Hillary: Look how you ruined your beautiful face.
I smiled and he handed me his handkerchief, leading me to a mirror and asking me to recompose my face. After I was done, with most of the make ups gone, we went back to the couch………..
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